Alan lubin lets the toy decide

Hello world. I’ve always wanted to write a blog but couldnt see the point in writing one before. It has always seemed to me that there would only be any point in writing down my daily antics if I ever did anything worth reading about. And in general, I don’t.

My name is Alan Lubin and I work as a freelance web designer. It is far from the worst job in the world (In fact I can think of hundreds of jobs that i’d much less rather do - big shout out to the traffic wardens and toilet cleaners) however my work hardly offers the levels of excitement that might leave a reader hooked and desperate for more. If I were to actually blog my life - my daily blog would probably read:

“Wasted a day putting together a CSS site based on visuals that the client has now seen fit to change. Forget the fact that these visuals have been set in stone for a week. Ignore the fact that the client has happily signed them off. The muppets have decided to wait until I started the coding to “simply make a few amends” and therefore wasting a day of my life into the bargin.

Decide to head to the pub on my way home to reflect over a few pints. My angry girlfriend calls to demand details of my wheabouts and my ETA. Since my answers weren’t “at the front door” and “in 5 seconds” a world of sonic pain was launched via my mobile handset.

Went home and sat in silence with aforementioned angry girlfriend and we shared quality time staring at the television for the rest of the night”

Ok compared to some blogs that little insight into my life might appear to be a rich seam of pure blogging gold, but believe me when I tell you that it would become boring very quickly. I know. I live it.

So given the tedium of my life - why am I about to unleash the dull monotony of it all on the web loving public?

I think that I might have found a way of guarenteeing at least one moment of brief interest every day. I am not quite sure exactly how it will work but I have managed to cobble together a solid enough concept to give you a rough idea.

A mate of mine recently came back from Japan and, knowing my love of kitsch Japanese toys, brought me back an Unazukin. Apparently its big in Japan, think Tamagotchi or Shampoo (shite girl band not the hair product). If this blogging
software works like its supposed to then there ought to be a picture following now.

You are looking at that and thinking “Hold on! Thats just one of those Weebles from back in the day!” are you not? Well you are very wrong my friend. This toy is like a Weeble with supernatural powers. This toy laughs at feeble Weebles and their pathetic ability to simply “wobble but not fall down” when you give them a nudge. Believe me when I tell you that this is an Uberweeble that can help you live a better life. It listens to your questions, considers your predicament and offers you advice. A bit like Claire Raynor packed tightly into a small egg.OK. I’m making it sound a little bit more feature rich than it really is. It’s not like you can expect a long insightful dialogue sprinkled with advice on the finer points of commercial law. Unazukin basically shakes or nods its head in reply to your pleas for help - but since it cost just over a fiver I think you’d be hard pushed to expect much more.

Anyway, Unazukin is innocent looking, cute and i suppose probably meant for kids. But it occurred to me that there was something almost malevolent and potentially mildly amusing about a grown man surrendering his decision making process to this simple childs toy. The idea put me in mind of a book that I read about a decade ago entiled “The Dice Man”. In the book a psychiatrist creates a cult of people whose lives revolve around making decisions based solely on the throw of a dice. The cult members select 6 alternative actions and then let the dice decide which action they embark on.

It struck me that using Unazukin to follow a “toned down” version of that lifestyle might make for an interesting project and enable me to hopefully come up with something interesting to blog about. To clarify a point; when i say “toned down” I mean that in two respects.

Firstly. Instead of the 6 options available to the dice cult - Unazukin only affords me a yes or a no. I will have to work out a procedure to ensure this limited response can optimised for different kinds of decisions that may be needed.

Secondly. Luke Reinhart (the main protagonist in the Dice Man) is a nutter who gives the dice some pretty unsavoury options. If my memory serves me right, the first action that the dice compells him to do is brutally rape his downstairs neighbour. Now my life may be a little dull but a 10 year stretch for commiting an aggravated sexual assault is not the sort of thing I am looking for in order to spice things up a bit. Coming to think of it - considering that my downstairs neighbour is a very well built homosexual man - any attempt on his virtue would be unlikely to get as far as the police. Depending on whether my attention was unwelcome or nor I’d either end up being his bitch or spending the rest of my days in a wheelchair - either way a lifestyle change that i’m not quite ready for.

So after all that waffle i’ve finally come to the point. I’m going to try and let Unazukin decide events that change the course of my day and report back on the results. I’m off to re-read the start of the dice man to see what rules i can lift and then will try and work out how I can work Unazukins “yes” or “no” replies into a bullet proof decision making process.

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 17th, 2006 at 11:24 pm and is filed under Unazukin decides. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.