Yesterday I bottled it..
I’ve been a little pre-occupied with the idea that rather then predicting the results, invoking the power of the Unazukin is in some way effecting the result. Please don’t get me wrong, it isn’t something i’ve spent a lot of time worrying or obsessing about - mainly because in general I couldn’t give a monkeys who wins each game. Not unless Unazukin suddenly wants to me to bet on England that is.
And that’s why I bottled it. I was nervous as soon as Una chose the England v Portugal match for her wager. I admit to feeling something verging on fear as I uttered the questions..
“Unazukin” I mumbled with possibly a slight waiver in my voice “please tell me that England are going to be outright winners of this match”
1 shake. I think I physically made that gulping sound that you hear characters make in cartoons.
“Unazukin” I say, almost retorically in that I am not sure that I want to hear the answer “Is it possible that a Portugal team stripped of some of their star players could be the outright winner?”
2 nods. Gutted. According to Unazukin the golden generation are coming home and the 40 years of hurt is set to continue.
And this is where the Unazukin effect starts to niggle at me. What if me betting on Unazukins choice somehow cements the fate of the English team. I would be gutted anyhow if England were to go crashing out of the world cup but it occurs to me that by keeping a public record of my dabbling online I could even end up as the scapegoat. The name Alan Lubin would be up there with the likes of Chris Waddle and Gareth Southgate. The Sun would print pictures of my face super imposed over Unazukins egg shaped body with some sort of punny headline like “The Eggs-terminator (webtard jinxes England team)”. People would hunt me down like that Swiss referee and hang effigies of me from the lamp post.
So I bottled it. I didn’t place the bet. But as you know - it made no difference. We lost on penalties after our attacking threat was castrated when, ironically, Rooney allegedly attempted to castrate a Portugese player. To anyone reading this blog (and I know there are a few as i’ve started getting emails - by the way keep those suggestions rolling in as i’ll be back doing odd things as soon as Unazukin loses a bet) please note that I didn’t place that bet, I did everything I could to prevent this from happening. I beg of you to keep up the campaign of hate directed towards that poncy Portugese crybaby Ronaldo and leave me out of it.
I’ll admit to being massively depressed about this and today gave Unazukin a day off from gambling to advise me on which alcoholic beverage I should choose with which to spend the whole day drinking to forget.
For anyone that cares - she chose Cider.