Poisoning for fun.
I don’t normally go to M+S - I can’t really afford it. But they have the most bizarre range of soft drinks there and I figured that in order to invent a cocktail that had never been invented before - it would be simplest of all just to choose from some unlikely ingredients.
I walked over to the chiller cabinet and subtley asked Unazukin to start choosing our ingredients. There are plenty of places in my home town where nobody would bat an eye to a thirtysomething male consulting an eggshaped toy on what to drink. M+S isn’t one of them.
Working from top left to bottom right, I would point to a drink and repeat the words “this one” as quietly as I could - but loud enough for Unazukin to hear and respond. I won’t lie to you - I did get some odd looks. But somehow the fact that I was wearing sunglasses somehow made me feel a little less vulnerable and I managed to brave it out.
I carried my haul over to the counter. I was served by a hugely overweight Spanish girl. I thought that it was a little bit unfair that M+S made her wear a t-shirt with the tagline “Simply Food” emblasoned across the front - it almost looked as if it was there in order to pre-empt any questions about her impressively large frame. It reminded me of the few occasions that i’ve been into Macdonalds and seen their crew of spotty teenagers earning minumum wage serving thrombosis to chavs. They scurry around sweating and frying their miserable lives away whilst being forced to wear a badge proclaiming “I’m Loving it”. You have to admire Ronalds twisted sense of humour. Anyway I digress..
The drinks that Unazukin chose were as follows:
Still water blended with natural strawberry and guava flavour.
Apple, melon, strawberry and Kiwi “fruit in a bottle”
Apple and Kiwi “fruit in a bottle”*
Diet sparkling Alphonso Mango and Passionfruit
Vanilla bean yoghurt smoothie**
* this seems like a strange choice to me as it pretty much replicated the one before it - however Unazukin chose both and I have to go with her superior brain.
** i’m no cocktail expert but my initual instincts tell me that yoghurt and fizzy drinks are possibly a bad combination.
I am off to mix this cocktail now and will report back with my findings.
Meanwhile entertain yourself with these awesome additions to the Unazukin battle from the awsome talent of DeViL - somebody give this guy a job if he doesn’t have one already!
Nice to see a good old fashioned Goatse amongst that lot - Mr DeViL, I take my hat off to you sir. You are truely old skool.