Tips for surviving Tokyo part 1
With Unazukin out of reach and my life back in order I have a paradox of sorts. I am able to blog but have no Unazukin to blog about for at least until the end of the week. In view of this I will be using this brief interlude to pass on my limited knowledge about Tokyo until normal service is resumed. I wrote it down in a notepad when my Vaio bit the dust. I feel like Mork. Hello Orson this is Mork calling Orson.. I have learned much of this bizarre and wonderful land..
Tip number one: Never use a taxi.
No matter how late it is. No matter how well known the destination. Never ever use a Taxi. The driver does not know the way. The only qualifications you need to become a taxi driver in Tokyo are:
1) a short back and sides.
2) a pair of spotless white gloves
3) a passenger door that opens automatically.
4) possibly a driving licence.
Taxi drivers in Tokyo, in general, have absolutely no idea where they are going. Unless you can direct the taxi from the place you entered the cab to the place you want to go - you are stuffed. The double edged sort is that whilst taxi drivers have no idea where anything is, they will be to embarrassed to admit it. So when you ask the driver to be taken to the well known central location he will say “Hi Hi” (trans: yep no problem climb in) withouth alerting you to the fact that he is already lost.
After approximately 5 minutes the chin stroking will begin. He will ask you to repeat the destination. Alarm bells will start to ring - but not loudly enough for you to say “stop I am getting out”.
After 10 minutes of pretending that he knows how his Sat Nav device works you realise it is just for show as he hands you a street map of Tokyo along with a magnifying glass so large that it makes you wonder if he is avoiding other vehicles by using “the force.”
After 15 minutes he will phone a friend and then another friend but to no avail - none of them know where Mark City in Shibuya is either. Then the penny drops - all his other friends are taxi drivers too.
After 20 minutes he will stop the car, get out and try to ask people in the street while the meter keeps on ticking. This is a pointless exercise because of tip number two.
Tip number two. Don’t ask a stranger for directions.
Why not? In the short time I was there I learned to say it in Japanese. “XXXXX doco desuka?” - so what’s the problem?
The problem is that unless the place you are looking for happens to be the place where the stranger lives or works - they are unlikely to know the answer. In my brief glimpse into the Japanese way I got the destinct impression that people in general don’t really get too involved in anything outside of their specific area of interest. And that most probably excludes the place you want to visit.
Now this might seem a little stereotypical - but try it and see. Go to a part of Tokyo - lets say Shibuya - and ask which direction you need to walk in to get to Shinjuku. In my unscientific estimation there is a 95% chance that your stranger will not know the answer. It is, however, a 100% certainty that they will be too embarrassed to admit this and will point in a random direction - hoping the you will just go away and stop making them feel so uncomfortable. If you ask four strangers it is entirely possible, within the space of a few minutes, to get different 4 people to point to the four different corners of the earth.
More golden Tokyo tips tomorrow.